These Words from A Parent That Helped Me during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger inability to talk between men, who still internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - taking a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."